Airkiss's Xanga

Monday, January 26, 2004

Mon, 26 Jan 2004 14:31:32 GMT

I felt like changing my profile on AIM, so here's what I had before.

Highlights of last year:
Me: "Tip."
Paula: "WHAT did she say?"
Me: "Get your mind out of the gutter!"
Mandy: "Macaulay Culkin is, like, 20 years old."
Paula: "He's THAT MUCH older than us?"
Me: ". . . We're 19."

Bettina: ". . . the seam in my hair --"

Paula: "AKA, part."

Ryan quotes:
"I'd rather be impregnated by Bing Crosby, to be honest."
Me: "Speaking of shirts --"
Ryan: "Take that off!"
Amidst a unnaturally belated sex talk:
Ryan: "It's a little small, there!"

"There's a weird skin on my sausage."

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Wed, 31 Dec 2003 03:11:51 GMT

Hey all, sorry it's been awhile. But things are happening, as usual. I'm going back to school next semester!!!

Duts is over at the moment, and we've just been you know, gimping around . . . having fun and making one another feel like losers, hehe.

Friday, December 12, 2003

Fri, 12 Dec 2003 00:04:07 GMT

I'm having the most tumultuous week. On Tuesday, Dr. Rak at rehab checked my out and pretty much told me I could definitely go back to school next semester, which I thought was wonderful. She was very supportive about going back, and I told my father this and he was like, no complaints. "You can definitely go back to school? Good." Then on Wednesday, I had the family meeting with my parents and my therapists and case manager and they stinkingly told me they recommended going to a community college (like COD) before returning to school at U of I. This totally chunks because I'm totally set on going back next semester, and my parents foolishly proceeded to believe/agree with them, which put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

Apparently my parents are still pondering it, but there are no promises.

I was so fricking excited . . .

I even called Steve to celebrate over the phone, and he was so ecstatic that if my parents eventually decline, I'll be loath to tell him.

Another thing that sucks:

My dad finally confirmed my driving rehab schedule for this week last week, and I thought I was good to go. But that was for naught too because I took the clinical portion of it yesteday morning and passed with flying colors () and today my dad tells me tomorrow's behind-the-wheel portion is CANCELED. His reasoning? "It's not necessary AT THIS TIME."

My mom supports this, saying I should wait till the paperwork from the Brain Injury Association goes through (they cover the costs of driving rehab, which is $500) before I take the test. So pretty much the only way I can take it tomorrow morning is by scrounging up $500 out of my own pocket by then. My parents refuse to come out with it, so this officially makes the TheMostUnsupportiveParentsEver.

I will update again once a decision has been made about school and driving. It could be awhile . . .

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Thu, 11 Dec 2003 23:48:08 GMT

I'm pretty proud of my culminating experience essay from AP English II senior year of high school. Knowing Doc Wingler, I probably got like a Z- on it, but I think it was pretty darn good. Observe:

Pamela H

AP English II

Culminating experience paper

A Final Glance at Art

The concept of art is a slippery one, and it is not easily explained. It is universally accepted as an escape, an outlet for creativity and emotion, a respectable hobby. But ultimately, the what, why, and how of art is difficult to pinpoint because there is nothing else in existence that is truly similar to art. The media of art serve as portals through which reality glimpses into the separate world of art, as a sort of figurative “bronzing” of a moment in time. Additionally, all art has a purpose separate from function, which simply is to evoke emotion; how well a piece of art carries out its purpose is what determines the quality of it. Quality is measured by various components and is the definitive factor that makes a work of art immortal or simply temporarily “all the rage.” These characteristics define the entirety of art.

Art is both a mental and physical existence. There is reality, and then there is the limitless world of art, which is concurrent with our world. Artwork, as the only inhabitant of both worlds, is the only evidence we have of the intangible art world. The medium of a piece of art is like a sieve that funnels a particular section of the art world into reality, similar to any other immaterial concept such as love or justice. All abstracts are known to exist via use of a vessel, which is typically a person. In art’s case, the vessel is the artist, who takes a mental concept and projects it to a physical medium, thus creating art.

Art does not begin and end simply where the medium is. A painting may sit inside a frame, but it is simply a moment being portrayed, like a movie put on pause. There is always a background to a work of art, but the artist chooses the perfect moment to freeze-frame and embellish because art is the ideal, turning its back on the mundane and glorifying its subjects. (What was it about her that made da Vinci paint the Mona Lisa, and not someone else? Already, the artistic choices on subject automatically heightens the object of attention in the artwork from the get-go.) At the start, an artist makes the artistic choice to focus on one passage of time he wants to create. The art encompasses everything inside the medium — every syllable, every brushstroke, every drumbeat — but also what is unseen. The ending to a book is made powerful when the artist knows where it is that even one more sentence is one too many; the whole effect is created with artistically wise decisions and a mind’s eye for minutiae. This is why grabbing the perfect moment is crucial to the success of a piece of art; it has to be precisely what the artist wants to portray, with no extra frills and also no missing pieces. Then, when this moment is carefully chosen, it is caught forever in the medium, like a fly trapped in amber for eternity, or a pair of old baby shoes covered over in bronze. The story behind the fly and the shoes is unseen but extend past the amber and bronze, the way that the subtle background behind pieces of art do.

Why art exists is a question of purpose; at its rawest state, art’s raison d’être is to evoke some kind of feeling from its audience. Art can be divided into two parts: the artist’s part of art is in the creation, where he is the projector of ideas into form. The second part is what causes art to flourish: the audience’s emotional reaction to the piece. Emotion is the fuel of all art; without it, art would not exist. Artists create art out of some inner need and desire to express or invoke some kind of emotion, for whatever reason: to fill a void, to escape, to pay tribute to someone or something. Art can be therapeutic in a sense, but not necessarily. What is necessary is for the inspiration of art to be emotionally stirring, since art is anything but the unremarkably ordinary. When the inspiration runs out and the artistic process continues, art is created, and then it is up to the audience to determine the quality of the art. Remarkable art is typically stunning, an emotionally shocking experience that jolts the audience out of everyday thoughts. But art does not need to scare as much as it simply needs to cause response. With art, everything is subjective, and so it begs to be critiqued. It needs people to draw opinions; even vehement hatred to a piece of art is a better compliment than no opinion at all. No opinion implies an apathetic neutrality, which tells us that piece of art is not at all outstanding. Where there is audience impartiality, there shows a failure of purpose in art.

Purpose, however, is an altogether separate entity from function. Function can be included in art, as long as the art is able to stand on its own without the function getting in its way. When art gives way to its function, instead of the other way around, then it is no longer art. Function is an optional detail to art that should be inferior to the art itself. Architecture is a form of art, though buildings function as something other than aestheticism, but some architecture is more artsy than others. An impractical home is ideally not the best kind of house to live in, but if it was meant to be art first and foremost, then it is art. Art oftentimes negates practicality, as it is based upon emotions and emotions are very commonly irrational. Consequently, a conventional house with nice décor is simply a building with pretty adornment because that decoration cannot stand alone, and the house was not built upon artistic intentions. With art, intention means everything. If the intent was to create art and also include function, so be it, but the art must override the function.

Once art is made, there is still a question of quality: what makes some art worthwhile and other art not? There is technique, which is the most objective way to judge artistic quality, though it is the least important of all factors. Since art is purely emotional, art practiced with flawless technique will still mean nothing to anyone if there were no feelings behind it. The best example is that of a dancer; a ballerina can dance perfectly, with exceptional deftness, but there is something inexplicably lacking if she dances without heart. The emptiness of feeling is what art fears most, not imperfect technique — art can still be very substantial without flawless construction. Skill does demonstrate a devotion to perfectionism, but as art is not just about mechanics, it is also about bending rules and reaching beyond the expected. Art is the product of creativity, and it’s no good if there is no evidence of said creativity in it. Creativity in this sense is in relation to originality. The purpose of art is never new — ideas are recycled, but the way the artist demonstrates this purpose is what makes the borrowed idea later his own. Quality is further determined by aforementioned precision, but one must be careful with this concept because art is also quite “perfect.” Perfection is the epitome of what something strives to be and the sense of full completion of that. The emotion involved with art is the only for art to be, and so art is perfect because there is no right or wrong way for art to be. Art takes any form and is a projection of internal thoughts, which don’t always make complete sense or follow logical order, so art needs no excuse for being nonsensical or unrecognizable, as long as the artist intended it that way. But this does not mean that art cannot be improved, as thoughts and intentions change and mature, which gives the artist license to revise. Revision is what sets art apart from inspiration — it is purposeful, intended, and what makes the art “perfect.” Other factors that determine quality include level of provocation (does it somehow excite the audience?), timelessness, and potential for immortality. Remarkable art is more often than not better art than conventional art because it stimulates the audience. A sense of timelessness trapped within the frozen moment that art portrays leads to everlasting appreciation throughout time, e.g., a piece of art that conveys the feeling of anticipation will always be understood throughout the generations. The more universal the purpose of the art, the more timeless it is. Lastly, the most important determinant of art’s quality is its capacity for immortality. The artist must be found throughout the artwork without physically being in it; when that is done successfully, the artist forever lives through the artwork, even after he has passed on. Whatever he was thinking, expressing or feeling will stay eternally in his art because he put some part of his soul into it. The true claim to immortality lies in the artist’s presence inside the piece, when aspects of his feelings are clearly woven into the artwork. Once all of these components are taken to account, the good or bad quality of art can be fully determined.

Perhaps one of the most unique, alluring, and independent concepts that has always existed is that of art. It is most difficult to define because it is boundless and subjective. The little word “art” sounds simple, but it is like an onion: to get to the very core of it, one must peel back its many layers (and you might even cry during the process!). Art is characterized by several things, which makes it altogether very complex and quite abstract. Once those numerous artistic ingredients are identified and therefore utilized in aesthetic criticism, then we are truly ready to answer “What is art?”

Sunday, December 07, 2003

Sun, 07 Dec 2003 08:27:11 GMT

Movies I wanna/needta buy:

*I Am Sam

*Pleasantville

*Dead Poets Society

*Alex & Emma

*Intolerable Cruelty

*Bend It Like Beckham

*Meet The Parents

*Life Is Beautiful (the Italian movie that won the Best Foreign Film Oscar, w/ Roberto Begnini)

*Pirates of the Caribbean

*Love Actually (when it's out)

CDs I want @ the moment:

*Clay Aiken (I forget what it's called . . . Measure of a Man?)

*Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle soundtrack

Movies I do NOT feel like seeing:

*Crossroads

*Honey

*Bad Santa

*Texas Chainsaw Massacre

*The Haunted Mansion

*The Shining

*Kids (Brittnee strongly advises against it)

Movies I have yet to see:

*The Cat In the Hat

*Last Samurai

*Mona Lisa Smile

*Sweet Home Alabama

*Lizzy Maguire Movie (lol)

*Jerry Maguire

*Love Story

Adorable things:

*Kittens that are small enough to fit in your palm

*Sean Penn in I Am Sam

*Sarah's mom's puppy, Bobbi

*Dakota Fanning

*WG's thousand-watt smile

*Boo (my dwarf hamster)

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Sat, 29 Nov 2003 22:12:21 GMT

I'm really happy!!! I finally have a gameplan outlined for the next . . . 6 months or so? Hmm. Let's see, January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August. I guess more than 6 months.

Here's the deal: If my parents don't let me back to school next semester, I can at least be productive by making some money -- perhaps by getting a job as a front desk receptionist at Morgan Perris salon or Mario Tricocci. This was Brittnee's idea and I think it's brilliant -- b/c I get to sit instead of stand/walk and I might be able to get away with only using one hand during work.

Anyway, making money is cooldudes, and I'll at least have something to do. (You might argue that I have practicing rehab to do these days, but really, that can't take 8 hours a day.) And then I'll have moolah!

Moolah makes me happee.

Then, over the summer, I plan to volunteer at University of Chicago Children's Hospital with John (my friend from U of I, whom you may recall. He was in my Italian class second semester.) He may have to house w/ me and my Familie, but that's cool.

I was recently rereading my happy entries from last year (in reminiscent mode) and I got really jealous of my previous self. There was one particular entry where I mentioned I was feeling a sense of euphoria that comes every now and again when I realize there's a lot to smile about.

Makes you kinda sick, doesn't it?

But I'm totally feeling euphoric now that I've got a plan set up! I'm really excited to work and volunteer. Like, really pumped.

Another thing I'm excited about it driving rehab, w00! I get to undergo it on Dec. 10 (OT part -- vision screening, cognition, reaction time testing, written test) and Dec. 12 (behind-the-wheel). I am soooo excited. Freedom at last!

Then I can finally do stuff when I want to!

And go where I wanna when I wanna!

So exciting, la la la.

And guess what I just found out today. My credit limit has just risen another $500. (Scary lol.)

I know someone who'd certainly appreciate this . . . Kristine. She's broke beyond repair and her plastic's maxed out. She could really do with an extra $500.

I can't wait to be able to work and get money again!

Apparently Marshall Field's is hiring people to sell giftcards now . . .you just sit at a table and eat Frango mints the whole time. Sounds like a deal to me. And it's $8 an hour. Becca told me this and she was offered that position downtown. I hope I can get hooked up w/ that.

Well, I'd better do some hip exercises!

Friday, November 28, 2003

Fri, 28 Nov 2003 07:45:45 GMT

Hey again. It's about 2.30 AM and I'm up because I'm having difficulty sleeping. This is due to the fact that I went to sleep at 4 AM last "night" and woke up at 5.10 PM. Getting over 13 hours of sleep is pretty detrimental to feeling sleepy the following night. But I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

This year, I'm thankful for:

* Life

* Music

* Health

* Intelligence

* Doctors

* Shoes

* Malls

* My right hand

* Therapists

* Movies

* Mike Myers

* Friends

* Cars (though not necessarily my own)

* Money

* Awesome buddies + their awesome parents (aka Charlie/Maggie's mom, Sarah's mom)

* the Internet

* Comfortable bed

* CD burners

* Good books

* techonology

* Brain plasticity

* Sweet boys (like WG, Steve, Chris)

* Long-distance communication

* Cell phone

* Having been able to complete a year in college

That is quite a short list, much shorter than I expected. But yeah. I'm really lucky; in fact, if I were to list every tribute to my fortune, the list would reach to forever.

So my Thanksgiving was relatively tame. I woke up in the evening and later ate Japanese food for dinner. Hold on, I have to read a long e-mail.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

Thu, 27 Nov 2003 22:53:36 GMT

Happy Turkey Day!

Ugh, my dad is a putz.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Tue, 25 Nov 2003 21:53:06 GMT

Hi again. I’m going to attempt typing this whole entry with both hands.

Today and yesterday have been pretty fun-filled. I went to rehab and spontaneously decided to make brownies — okay, forget the two-handed typing thing; it was taking way too long, so my almighty right hand’s gonna take over and speed-type. Anyway, I decided to make the last batch of brownies at my house because my sister sucks arse at making them and they always came out like chocolate-flavored rocks. Shannon called to tell me she couldn’t make my dinner thing on time b/c she is going to The Lion King tomorrow night. I then asked her what she was up to for the rest of the day and she said “nothing,” so I asked her to come pick me up and we’d go to Barnes & Noble (Kristine and I were supposed to go but she canceled due to excessive mouth pain). I made brownies (to show Moose how it’s done) and Shannon arrived. We went to Charter One first so I could deposit $60 and take out $40, except I don’t know how to properly fill out a deposit slip so I ended up depositing $40 and taking $60 on accident. We then went to B&N and I got a delicious white chocolate mocha. It was yummy. Plus, I got a Godiva chocolate bar with almonds and toffee. So then I started making fun of the “nerd section” there, laveled “Astronomy,” “Science,” “Physics,” “Science” again, and then “Mathematics,” and “Engineering.” Yonder, there was, like, “Graphics,” “Graphic Design,” “Web Design,” and stuff like “C/C++” and I joked to Shannon about how that was the designated nerd section of the bookstore. She thought it was funny. She got like high on caffeine, too, cuz she started rolling on the floor laughing when she saw a box of “Catopoly” (Monopoly with a cat theme). I later found a Kaplan book called How To Get Into Medical School. I ended up reading it for like three hours or something, cuz we ended up not leaving until like closing time, which unfortunately has moved up to ten PM. (It used to be 11.) It was a very interesting book on the whole application process. I would have bought it, but I was already buying The New Brain by Richard Restak, MD, which was $23.95. (The Kaplan book was $20.) Everything involved with getting into med school is so overwhelming. But it sounds like a challenge, which makes it look all the more attractive.

After I got home, I discovered my brownies were a success (aww yeah!). Then I ate a belated dinner and got to reading The New Brain.

I had a lot of trouble sleeping. I couldn't sleep with my mind so active. I kept thinking about the books I read and stuff, but I knew I had to sleep because I had to get up at 9 the next morning (today) in order to have enough time to shower before Morgan arrived to pick me up at 12.30.

So lemme post to you about today later. I'm waiting for Becca to get here any minute now, and I'm catching up w/ Sagar.

Okay, I'm here now. I'll tell you about the rest now. Morgan was scheduled to come at 12.30, and I needed to shower beforehand, so I scheduled myself to wake up at 9, which is super early. (Why so early? you ask, because showering takes a helluva long time for me now.) It took me awhile to dig myself outta bed but I got showered and ready in time, thankfully.

We decided to go to Portillo's for lunch, and I got a couple hot dogs and some fries, which were good and oh-so-healthy, I'm sure. This couple was sitting behind Morgan and oddly, their conversation was directly in parallel with ours. (This, Morgan noticed and pointed out to me b/c he was half eavesdropping the entire time.) We discussed diabetes and obesity and how important looks are to romantic relationships.

Then we went to see Elf, which was cute and moderately funny. I thought the part where Will Ferrell sprays his mouth with perfume is especially funny, and when he jumps on top of this Christmas tree.

After the movie, Morgan dropped me off at home, and I called Becca because she had phoned during the movie. She asked if I'd be free to go to Woodfield with her that evening so we could check out H&M, which I've been interested in going to for years. So at like 5.30, she came, and we went to Woodfield and H&M. I bought 7542369776853269043 accessories, such as sequined hairthings, a toe ring, a regular ring, earrings, a shirt, a scarf.

The shirt and scarf may be seen in the photo. Observe.

The pic was taken in the mirror, quite obviously, so I apologize for the glare. Anyway. We had a good time at H&M, and by the end, we were both parched. Thus, we trekked across to Forever XXI. I wanted to buy a pair of underwear, but spared my money and didn't Becca bought a crapload of stuff that night. Later, I came home after she accidentally lost her butterfly hairthing from H&M.

It was really funny. Before we left for Woodfield, I was trying to leave WG online and he was guilt tripping me for abandopning him. I told him goodbye several times and apologized, but then he resorted to the ever-hilarious line, "I'm naked!" LOL. Such a dork (but an endearing dork.) Anyway . . . then I proceeded to explain to Becca in the car why he's pretty much my match made in Heaven. It's just a poop because he's in Austria and I'm not.Becca was like, "It's so typical of you to go for a guy in a different continent." Yes, I know *sigh* but this relates to Sarah and Vharlie's theory that I'm subconsciously afraid of commitment, which I still deny. I really need to ponder this and post about it later.

Friday, November 21, 2003

Fri, 21 Nov 2003 22:39:15 GMT

Bon anniversaire a moi!